Shiver // Lucy Rose

How do you go from telling someone you love them everyday to just, not? Did something just change? Did she change? Did he change? Did he decide that before he left he wanted to be able to do whatever it is he wanted? Not have to worry about making her feel okay? Not worry about her in general? Not to have to say he has a girlfriend that totally loves him and would have done anything and still would do anything for him if he needed it? When the only thing he ever had to do to keep her happy was tell her hello and I love you at the end of the day? And ask how her day was? She didn't think that was much to ask for. Just a "hello" "I love you" or a "see you soon I miss you" is not a lot to ask. But now that's over and honestly it is strange being with other people. It just doesn't feel right at all. It feels so wrong being in the arms of some other guy. To let him kiss and hug her. It's feels truly wrong. And she hates to say that. Because she knows they are broken up but it does feel like it because no one cheated, no one faught, no one hurt the other like how most people break up over. It was because he didn't want a girlfriend. It feels wrong because she still cares for him. A lot and she feels she has lost him. She wished you weren't leaving, maybe things would have been different, she wished she didn't give that second chance because nothing ever changes... People don't change. But she is a hopeless romantic, who just can't seem to let it go. It may seem she is doing just fine with her small smile and a laugh that isn't hers at all. She puts it all up, going on because she doesn't want him to think she is hurting as much as she is. It's horrible for her mentally but keeps telling herself she can do it. "I am a big girl she tells herself, and big girls don't cry." She can keep her head up. She just misses you in her life. Wishes you were still in her life, that part that made her eyes sparkle again for the first time I years, her mother said it was the first time in forever. I'd give anything to have even the smallest part of you in my life, but I know what you'll say..... Sydney. That's just "unrealistic".