Memory Lanes over rated but Whatever I guess

I remember crying without your touch
I remember running around the green grass and stubbing my toes
I remember the nights I slept between you and dad
I remember the times you cried and I asked in a small light voice "mommy, why are you crying?"
I remember when we moved to Canada and I got the room filled with mickey mouse
I remember blues clues
Things were so simple then
I remember homemade cinnamon rolls
I remember the box of cereal we always got on our birthday
I remember daddy staying in the basement for days and hours
I remember vacationing to new york and going to Manhattan
I remember losing my favorite Polly pocket and you kept me from crying
I remember you holding my hand to the first day of preschool
I did alright
I remember when you sent me off to first grade, it was raining in august.
I remember watching jenny make fun of me for my weird style.
You told me I was just being creative
I remember you telling me that Jenn's parents got a divorce, I felt sad
I remember falling asleep on all the trips to salt lake to see aunt Lisa
I always wondered why she never looked at me, she was blind
I remember playing hooky from school and you took me to byu with you
When you found out, you were furious
I remember the day you and daddy told us dad was leaving.
June 12, 2008.
I remember crying myself to sleep for months
I remember the first night I stayed at his house
We had sour dough for breakfast in the mornings and watched transformers all the time
I remember leaving for the first time to have a sleepover at Bethanne's
I remember having an anxiety attack and leaving in tears
I remember only going to school on a days
I didn't like to go very much
I remember feeling like no one wanted me, including my family
I remember running away for 3 hours one day
I remember coming home because I missed you
I remember the first time I ever snuck out, I got scared that I would get caught and came back 5 mins later
I remember late night phone calls with Korbin
I remember the countless hours we spent playing ping pong and eating frosted flakes
I remember the day I fell asleep on his bed and Statler gave me the turkey of a lifetime
I almost cried.
I remember the first time I smoked a cigarette, i was with my cousin on byu campus, i didn't like em
I remember the night he picked me up in his new car and took me on a drive to tell me he loved me
I remember that I didn't say it back
I remember he is dating a barbie now
I remember losing my mind and falling into a world of bad habits and tendencies
I remember falling asleep
Nightmares ran wild in my imagination that night
I remember running to my "best friend" for help but told me that I was selfish and never listened to her,
I always listened, that was the first time and last time I asked for her help
I remember wondering why not a single person cared
I remember my mom always telling me she cared but it never felt like it
I remember leaving orem high to try and find something better
Lone peak was just a richer snobbier version,
With girls who think they are hipsters cause they wear docs and fannels
and boys who think they are the shit because they have money
I remember finding Lexi, in Mrs.summers math class
she was wearing a maroon shirt, i like it a lot
I remember she was my first friend here
I remember the night we hung out and watched Cinderella story, cried and bonded over boys
She is my best friend
I remember her holding my limp body as I cried when I got violated.
I remember she was the only person who I knew cared
I remember the guilt
I remember finding peace though
I remember singing again
I remember losing myself in music and art
I remember finding light again
I remember pop tarts with Alex and Katelyn
I remember Hayden's sexy abs,
Shh I didn't say anything but secretly I love that kid more than life itself
I remember it not being so secret anymore now that Ive told you guys
I remember finding safety in this blog
I remember feeling so sick when nelson revealed the names
I remember wanting to throw up when she called "me" a coward
I remember getting over it
I remember getting a B on my chemistry test
I remember kissing Kade McCann and wanting to tell everyone
I remember finding the killer of my happiness and banishing him from my life
I remember my dad telling me no matter what I do wrong he will always love me
Ive done a lot wrong in my life, definitely more than what Ive done right
I remember that life has made me who I am
and I'm okay with that